Although my profession is a positive part of my life, there was a brief moment that I questioned if I should continue. The goal had been set that once my children were in school full time, I would consider a career change. I honestly thought I wanted nothing more but a 9-5 job. I wanted to be able to call in sick, get holiday pay, come home to a clean house. All the perks of working for someone else. My house to be nothing more than the place my family comes to rest.
My youngest was born in November. We had made the difficult decision of not allowing him to start kindergarten until he was 5 turning 6. Creating another year of him being at home, as well as me. As the day loomed over my head during his year in kindergarten, I began the descent in how many children I cared for. Less families to dismiss once I found a new job. In addition, quite a few of my long term families had their last child heading into grade one, and would no longer be needing my services. Trying to make the best of this last year, we did everything fun as much as possible. Spending countless hours crafting, dancing, and playing outside.
A grey cloud started to follow me, questioning my every move. Doubt entering into my abilities to even find another job. The days were filled with laughter from the children, my little rainbows. My evenings began to spiral into despair. Trying to write out my resume posed to be an issue, I had been running a day home for over 8 years at this point, not seeing my worth. Finally my husband sat me down and suggested I book an appointment to speak to a career counselor. Gently suggesting I seek medical help to help get me out of my funk. So, I took his advice.
My doctor was a very sympathetic person, he sat beside me and let me talk, and cry. My doctor reminded me that I am only one person. He showed me that making a major life change is very difficult, and that I should be patient with myself. The Career Counselor was amazing. From showcasing all of the skills I had acquired throughout my career, the public relation skills, and helping me see my self worth. My cloud started to go away. On my last visit to my Career Counselor, I was filled with hope again.
My depression was never about my daycare, it wasn’t about the restrictions of my job choice. My depression had been in my own self worth. The stigma revolving around my profession as a babysitter, day home provider, early childhood educator, (whatever you choose to call me), of not being a “Real Career.” I wear all of my titles with pride. My gratitude journal is full. Some day I will make the choice to retire. But not now, for now I will remain the Unicorn of day home providers 🙂
Remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and success. Embrace gratitude, discover your self-worth, and unlock the happiness that awaits you. If you need some help along the way, consider picking up this daily gratitude journal.