Category: Daycare Lady

It is so easy to deflect situations when you don’t want to deal with the consequences. There have been moments in my day home that I have had to address unsavory behavior with children. Before I attempt to involve the parent I always try to rectify the problem, ensuring I have already attempted a few resolutions. However there are moments that escalate to a degree requiring parental involvement.

The majority of parents eagerly help in finding a positive way to change the negative behavior. Not many parents want their child to be excluded from future activities due to unruly behavior. But, then there are the “Not my child” Parents. Instead of trusting that my staff and I have already attempted many different versions of correcting the behavior, they blame something or someone else. Some prime examples are:

• He is definitely teething so that’s why he keeps biting other children
• She had a terrible sleep last night, so she is just grumpy
• Are you sure it wasn’t the other child, he never does this at home
• Did you give enough warnings?
• Kids will be kids
• I am sure he didn’t mean to do that
• Did she eat enough lunch, she may just be “hangry”

There are many reasons why a parent would rather give excuses, including wanting to be perceived as a ‘friend’ by their child. Constantly trying to keep our children happy is a disservice to them, and seeking the child’s approval is tilting the scale in an undesirable way. Should a parent take on this role, you could unintentionally destroy their future by not addressing wrongdoings, and misdeeds. Children thrive on boundaries, they seek these limits by pushing the limits. Safety and trust that is developed by setting boundaries/rules helps give a child assurance, and alleviates anxiety. Children will continue to act out as they continue to distinguish right from wrong. If a child continues to act out without consequences, the misbehavior will continue to escalate. Excuses instead of addressing the issue increases the risk that the child may become unsafe towards other people, as well as themselves.

Skewing the lines between right and wrong creates anxiety. Giving excuses for their behavior, you are teaching your child to blame something or someone else for their situation. When the moral compass dips, misconduct becomes intensified. When parents/adults don’t take the time to work together the child learns how to pit people against each other.

Adults need to stop worrying about being the ‘bad cop’, and work on enforcing fundamental rules and limits in a firm but gentle manner. Have honest conversations with your child about behavioral issues. Find out if there is other reasons they are lashing out. Remembering the deed does not go unpunished, but with further understanding you can help your child develop better coping skills to handle future altercations better. Never be scared to seek professional help, especially if your child’s behavior is due to external factors, or if they are experiencing mental health issues/addiction, or learning disabilities.

In my daycare there has been moments that I have had to give parents an ultimatum. Either they help with reinforcing the rules set forth in the daycare at home, or we need to discuss parting ways. Physical violence, malicious/destructive behavior always has it’s consequences. With firm but loving guidance, parents and myself have found success in correcting most undesirable behavior. A united front helps offset anxiety, teaches a child to trust, and feel safe in their environment.

It is always in the parent’s and the child’s best interest to address any behavioral issue brought up by their peers and or other caregivers. A harmonious and united coalition sets the best most positive front. Anxieties in children can be diminished just by addressing set boundaries in childcare settings/classroom, and home. You are your child’s parent first, their friend second.

No one understands the unique dynamics that go into all versions of childcare, unless you work in the field it is easy to be naïve. Each new group of children brings about change. All the different parenting techniques become a melting pot in daycares/ day homes, but not always easily navigated. Respecting ethnic diversity, family complexity, in addition to disabilities, mental health, and addiction. The list of basic requirements in being a well rounded child care worker is a very long one.

Morale can take a hit across the board, whether there is one staff member or thirty. A feeling of isolation. Parents are only helpful with their own children, and usually in a hurry to either drop off or pick up their children. The social end of running a day home is dependent on either past relationships, families reaching out, or social groups beyond your day home/family responsibilities. It can be very difficult to want to “people” beyond the work day. I have come to realize how much my daily job affects my life. When my children were young it was easy to fill the void of a social life. Filling my day with my children’s activities, have the occasional conversation with people in the hockey arena, etc… But now that my children are older and have moved out, my circle of friends has become very small.

Not everyone wants to hear about how many diapers I changed, or who finally learned to tie their own shoes. There are always the comments of, “I don’t think I could do what you do on a daily”, to “I wouldn’t want your job”. Empathy is there, appreciation is definitely felt, but not enough to not feel withdrawn from society. Just like any profession unless you have a community to support the daily grind, it can be isolating. I am all for working from home, or with others. But I feel daycare workers, home based or center, need a support group.

We are a sought after, ridiculed, celebrated, and overlooked profession. Most (not all) childcare workers are underpaid, and over worked. From the in home daycares that work 40 plus hours a week (I currently work 50+ hours), to the early childcare workers in centers running on empty trying to keep up with the newest government requirements. Under a microscope constantly due to the fragility of our chosen profession.

People don’t understand the amount that it costs financially, mentally, and physically to properly operate a childcare facility. I, as well as “We”, are with children primarily during their most formative years. We are not just “watching children play all day”, and yes it is a “real job”. The incorrect association of identity and value contributes to a feeling of apathy at work, it also makes us early educators view ourselves poorly. Given that childcare is a field that is underappreciated, shifting our own personal opinion makes a world of difference. Support groups for the overall welfare of all of us is much needed, to help stop burnout, and to help us feel heard and valued.

Art is such a special form of expression. Children in my care begin expressing themselves through art very young, as young as one year old. From edible art, clay, to glue and glitter, and everything in between. All forms of art. However finger painting is a life force all on its own 🙂

Valentine’s day was on the horizon, and it has always been the practice of my day home to produce special crafts for special dates. This particular valentine’s day was no exception. This year my toddlers out weighed my older children. Trying to get my creative juices flowing I sat my children down to discuss what they would like to give their parents to show their love. They had dreams of grandeur, crafts far beyond their capabilities. Smiling, my heart was so happy to see their excitement, and watching them use their imagination. But alas a decision had to be made.

Finger painting felt like a really good solution, or so I thought. Little children wrapped in paint shirts, cups filled with all the colors of the rainbow ready for their little fingers. Large sheets of paper lined the table. My ingenious thought was to let them paint and then cut out hearts to make finger painted flowers. I prepped the children with a speech about paint being only on the paper, in addition to using one color at a time, wiping their hands in between colors as good as possible. Reminding them to not lick their fingers (yes they have done this in the past with other elements). Once everyone was settled I watched their creativity soar. Assuming I was safe to go to the bathroom (first mistake), only to hear an uproar of laughter. Rushing out, I discovered some of the paint pots had been spilled, and quickly became a huge mess.

Once I got the paint cleaned up, the children finished finger painting. I quickly realized that face cloths were not going to work to wash the paint off of little hands. Sending the older children to wash their hands independently (second mistake), resulted in a rainbow bathroom. Walls, sink, towels, all drenched in water downed paints.

Trying in vain to tidy up the bathroom and taking one toddler at a time to wash up was exhausting. I was definitely getting my steps in. I suddenly heard paper tearing, (my third mistake). The paper had started to dry and stick to the paper on the table. Everyone was trying to pick up their masterpieces and put them on the counter to continue to dry, leaving slices of their pictures stuck to other pieces of paper.

Finger painting was exhausting, but the finished product was stunning. Their little flower bouquets were received with much love from their parents. I still do finger painting, but I am much more experienced and well prepared when we take on such elaborate crafts.

Anyone who does not believe in the effects of a full moon on people should visit a daycare on such a day. My daycare is not spared the side effects of this unfortunate monthly event. Children that normally are compliant show their mischievous side, from plugging the toilet, to suddenly not using indoor voices, or being violent with each other. Parents come in late, frazzled, and grateful to be leaving their children for the day. Perhaps it is just a coincidence that the toughest days land during a full moon. In addition, maybe we are just very aware of a full moon, so we are looking for trouble. A story that supports the theory was one of the most difficult days I had to endure.

A thunderstorm had settled in. The power kept shutting off intermittently. Children were suffering from cabin fever, and their parents were grumpy. Full moon fever had set in, and no one was happy. Trying to get through the day was already proving to be a heroic feat. No one liked snack. The story was boring. Everyone wanted to go outside and the weather was not cooperating. Attempting to do an organized game was too much for some of the children to understand. Toys were constantly being fought over. Frustrated, I knew I just had to get to “quiet time”, hoping to have some time to regroup and take a deep breath. Successfully getting through lunch time, and after washing everyone up, I got them all settled. Although taking more time than normal, I finally had a chance to sit.

I started planning my afternoon, hoping to survive the day. Suddenly my ears heard a giggle coming from one of the rooms a little one was napping in. Snapping my tired body into action I ran to the room, a little too late. Black (non-toxic) marker painted my daughter’s wall, and dresser. Somehow this child managed to reach up from her playpen and found a marker. My heart sunk. Getting her up, trying to clean up the mess, in addition to paying attention to the rest of the children was overwhelming. This child had never done something like this before, and her nap had never been less than two hours, today was 25 minutes 🙁 . Once I got her cleaned, and tried to settle her, the rest of the kids were already getting restless again.

Bringing everyone to the table to make play dough seemed like a good way to keep everyone in place and entertained. Getting all the ingredients together, allowing the children to pick out the new colors, smiles were finally forming. Mixing the dough, explaining to the kids that I was putting flour in front of them so they could further mix the dough. Turning my back to grab the new play dough provided them enough time to all blow their flour everywhere.

Bringing out the big Lego for the kids to play with normally brings about peace. Lego got jammed into a heating vent. Everyone wanted the Lego other kids were playing with. I had to put them away. We tried dancing, hoping to get rid of energy. No one liked the song, nor could they agree on one to dance to. I brought out the puzzles, just for them to bend and break the pieces. Then we took a big deep breath, attempting yoga and exercises’ for the kids, for everyone to just complain. Taking the time between each task to ask them what they want to do, only for them to say, “I don’t know”, followed by, “We’re bored”.

Parents ran late picking up their children. Children got impatient waiting for their parents. Ending the day with fighting, crying, and no one getting along, the day slowly waned to an end. I survived, barely 🙂

My day home has had the rare fortune of being able to be a part of a lot of long term families. From the tired first time parents dropping off their baby, on their first day back to work, hiding their tears in the entrance. To the sad goodbyes when their children head into school full time, as I stand hiding my tears in the entrance.

Children have always fascinated me with their resilience, they are such amazing little humans. One of the families I did child care for was a part of my every day for over 13 years. Their children, all very different individuals, were such a delight to my day. From the oldest with his quiet demeanor, the middle child a very outspoken fire cracker, to the youngest, the perfect mix of his siblings. We grew together, jumping through good times and bad. Overcoming obstacles to help all of us grow into a tight daycare family. The youngest child stands out most for me due to his undiagnosed autism, (his diagnosis didn’t happen until he was in full time school). His parents were in denial, but I did my research so I could give him the best head start I could.

Some of my favorite memories of this child include his love of music, his heartwarming smile, love of art, hugs received when he was feeling accomplished, and his patience. Every time we reached a milestone that was tough to get to, we would have a little dance party. From discovering ways to get past aversions to texture (ie: mashed potatoes, apple sauce, etc..), to defeating toilet training in under 3 months. Teaching him tolerance to loud noises and other children. In his own way he taught me so much as well. The biggest lesson he taught me was in order to teach a child, I had to learn the child’s needs, get past myself, and understand the importance of laughter. His laughter will always live in my heart 🙂

Early intervention, and patience paid off. Before he entered mainstream school, he could print his name, knew his colors/numbers/letters/shapes, his early education on par with his peers. In addition, but most important, he knew how to communicate his need for space, how to accept physical contact,(he was not always willing to allow other children to be in his “bubble”), and so much more. The other children learned tolerance, acceptance, and how to fully respect personal space. He was the best learning curve for all of us. The magic of learning how to teach him is still part of my curriculum. His presence was so good for all of us.

It did take a few years for the school to approach the family on getting him assessed, even longer to get the diagnosis, but he continued to develop. After the diagnosis, his Education Assistant (with his parents permission), approached me about his early education, praising my day home for his early successes. She was excited to learn how to approach him in a way he didn’t feel threatened by, and how to help him with accepting her guidance. This moment made me feel like a superhero.

I shared with her all of my tricks and his reward system, everything I could think of. She asked me what helped me to see his diagnosis, and I explained everything I’d seen. Sometimes he didn’t want to walk, or walked on tip toes, cupped his ears to sudden sounds, lacked eye contact, repeated movements, and had delayed language development. Explaining to her that with all children, I watch for milestones. When he wasn’t reaching his I decided to keep a diary of his development. Taking the time to include all of his magnificent attributes that needed no correction. It was not difficult to see who he was, as he spent a great deal of time with me. Giving all of my information to her helped me continue to be a part of his future achievements. That made me feel valued.

It was rewarding to be a part of this little person’s life, something I didn’t take lightly. When we would go outside, he could sit for hours watching the clouds go by, or inspecting ladybugs. He had a quiet calm about him, teaching all of us about the importance of silence. Now don’t get me wrong, he was verbal, but he had this way of knowing when quiet was more important than words. The way he would go about helping me learn how to help him develop was amazing as well. Walking was when he was ready, looking at me he grabbed my hands to stand up and slowly, trusting his own little body, he started to take steps. The way his little body could easily pick up the rhythm of music as he would dance. Singing made up songs about his environment, his friends, even his favorite foods. His smile was very infectious, and he liked to help with the babies as he got older, being very gentle. Praise was easily received, from a fist bump, high five, to the special hugs when he was very excited.

To this day, this child is still a big part of my heart. Although he has grown up and thrives in his new environment, with Graduation on his horizon, he will always be my little boy. Looking back I often think to myself, “Where did the time go?”.

Today a parent brought me a fresh hot coffee.

Today a child gave me a big hug just because.

Today a child finally learned how to draw a circle (big milestone for this child).

Today the children helped pick up the toys without having to be reminded.

Today we all got to have dessert because lunch was successfully eaten with no issues.

Today we danced around the playroom to a new song we learned to sing.

Today the children used indoor voices inside.

Today the children laughed so hard that we had to stop what we were doing to just enjoy the moment.

Today I got to sit with the children and build with blocks, listening to their amazing imaginative stories.

Today the children got ready to go outside so quickly that we got an extra twenty minutes of beautiful sunshine.

Today I got to eat my lunch while it was still hot.

Today a parent gave me a complement on how much their children have learned since starting my program.

Today I got to high five the children for all remembering to wash their hands before snack.

Today I was sad to see the children leave for the day.

Today we all felt loved and appreciated.

Today I was excited for tomorrow.

Being self-employed in childcare comes with unique challenges, especially when it comes to sick days. This isn’t about the all-too-common scenario of children arriving at daycare while unwell. Instead, it’s about the impact when I, the childcare provider, am feeling under the weather.

In my self-employment model, I don’t earn income on sick days, a significant financial consideration. But the implications extend beyond my lost wages. When I’m forced to close due to illness, it creates a ripple effect: families relying on my service often can’t go to work. While backup childcare plans are expected, the harsh reality is that many families lack alternatives. They either don’t have available friends or relatives, or they’ve exhausted their personal or sick leave at their jobs.

Children fall ill frequently, and for many families, sick days are a scarce commodity. Early in my career, I hired staff to cover for me during sick days, hoping to avoid closing my daycare. However, this often backfired as my employees tended to fall ill simultaneously. Being an employer also added financial strain, requiring a higher number of enrolled children to cover wages.

The dilemma of whether to work while sick is a tough one. Ideally, I would rest without hesitation, but practical concerns such as financial needs, childcare demands, and the responsibilities to working parents dictate my decision. More often than not, I push through the day, postponing rest until after the children leave. There have been instances where I’ve been so ill that I’ve requested parents to pick up their children early, only to end up working a full day due to their work constraints.

In contrast, government-run childcare centers have different dynamics. Sick days for staff are more manageable, with the responsibility of finding replacements falling on the directors. However, this can still lead to disruptions like children being sent home or moved to different rooms.

Running a home-based daycare as a self-employed individual magnifies these challenges. For example, if I close for a day, it prevents at least five adults from going to their jobs, compared to just one family being affected if a child is sick. This reality shapes my choice to often work while feeling under the weather, for what I see as the greater good.

The Challenge of Effective Communication in Daycare

The love and devotion that goes into running a child care center is phenomenal. Once you get yourself clearly established, it’s wonderful. Having a great reputation in my community as a child day home, I boasted about my quality childcare and reliability. My daycare was closed only on statutory (federal) holidays, but should I close for any other reason, I aimed for a minimum of three months notice so that families could make alternate arrangements. This high standard of communication in childcare is essential, as a story of a parent’s mistake will illustrate.

Normally, parents would bring their children into the daycare, help if needed, and leave for the day. The longer a family would be in attendance, the more comfortable they became, sometimes even just bringing their children to the door and leaving. This level of trust and understanding is a key component of effective parent-provider communication in childcare.

This particular family had been attending my day home for three years. The father of the family was self-employed, and Mom had climbed the ladder quickly in the bank she worked for (requiring extra working hours). The closing hours of my day home and Mom’s day coincided perfectly, even the statutory holidays, making the relationship perfect. However, in order for her to be done her workday, she had to start earlier than when the daycare opened. So their balance was Dad did the morning drop-offs, Mom did the end-of-day pick-up. Their children were older, 5 and 6. When their father would do the morning daycare drop-off (normally in a rush) in the morning, I would open the door, and he would leave. Unfortunately, this would pose a problem neither of us accounted for…

At the end of the day Friday, I explained to Mom that I had an emergency appointment on Monday and I would need to close the daycare for the day. They were the only family booked for that day, so I felt comfortable with the unavoidable short notice. Getting up Monday morning, I reminded my own children (ages 8, 10, 14) that I had to leave. They knew to head to school by their regular time.

As I was driving to my appointment, I got a phone call from my oldest child. Fully expecting the call to be about them fighting, I pulled my vehicle over to the side to answer the call. Answering the phone, my oldest quickly says, “Mom, there are kids here for Daycare”. Flustered, I told him to remind the father that I had an emergency appointment and that I had to close, I told his wife on Friday. Quietly, my oldest says, “Mom, he dropped them off at the driveway and left before I got to the door.” Grateful my children were still home, but frustrated with this turn of events, I called their Mom. Embarrassed, she left work, grabbed her children, drove mine to school, and promised to call me later.

Apparently, there was a mix-up of communication, the downside to two busy working parents, and the sudden closure was missed by the father. This incident highlights the vital importance of clear and consistent communication in childcare settings, especially in homes where both parents have demanding jobs. In conclusion, the father never made the same mistake again, always watching for me to open the door and wave 🙂

In my childcare center, children embark on their educational journey from a tender age, and as a co-parent, I take my role seriously, serving as their soft landing, teacher, and emotional guide. Ensuring their safety and well-being has always been my utmost priority.

While imparting essential skills like writing their names and recognizing colors remains integral, our curriculum extends to teaching them crucial life lessons. This includes instructing them on what to do if they get separated from their parents, addressing concepts like “Stranger Danger,” and understanding the importance of personal space. From teaching them to dial 911 in emergencies to establishing secret passwords for safe pickups, learning home phone numbers, and addresses, these seemingly small lessons are vital for their overall health and safety.

Adapting to the changing times, teaching these safety techniques has evolved. One significant shift was obtaining permission to teach children their parents’ cell phone numbers, a task that proved challenging due to privacy concerns raised by some parents. Despite the hurdles, I remain committed to ensuring our children’s safety by incorporating these essential details.

Moreover, addressing personal space has become more nuanced. While children once understood personal space as the area from their fingertips to their shoulders, we now empower them to express their comfort levels with physical affection. This approach extends to sensitive situations, such as assisting in the bathroom, where I respect their boundaries entirely. Upholding their right to establish boundaries fosters their self-advocacy, giving them a voice and building trust in their environment when their boundaries are respected.

Teaching safety and social skills to young children has evolved, but the importance has remained steadfast. Respecting the boundaries they set and teaching them to respect ours not only instills mutual respect but also builds trust, creating a nurturing and empowering learning environment.