Teaching your children to be cautious, to question things, and to feel confident in their surroundings is crucial for their social and emotional development in early childhood. However, it’s important for adults not to project their own insecurities and anxieties onto their children. In my experience, I often hear parents say, “well when I was a child…”, but it’s essential to remember that each child is unique, with their own strengths and challenges.
For example, a parent might say, “She doesn’t like gymnastics, but I was good at it until I broke my leg. She just needs to learn to like it.” Or, “I was never good at school, so he probably won’t be either.” These attitudes can inadvertently impact a child’s self-esteem and hinder their emotional growth.
I’ve seen how these projections can create emotional and mental health challenges in children. In my role, I often reassure children that they are “Perfect just the way you are,” or “As long as I see you trying, I am happy with your work.” This kind of affirmative support is key in nurturing their emotional well-being. Additionally, children need to learn that correction is a positive way to learn, tailored to their abilities, not based on the parent’s projections.
Children have expressed to me their exhaustion from over-scheduling, like the 5-year-old who broke down crying due to a packed routine of dance, gymnastics, swimming, and weekend tournaments. This highlights how parental expectations can sometimes overlook the importance of balance in a child’s social and emotional development.
One particular case involved a child who suddenly developed separation anxiety when his routine changed due to his parents’ work schedules. His mother’s own anxiety about leaving him only intensified his distress. By working with the mother to address her anxieties, we helped her teach her child to cope with separation, an important aspect of emotional development in early childhood. We used consistent routines and reassurance, like sending pictures and texts to show he was doing well, to ease both their anxieties.
Listening to your child is paramount. They may not always express themselves with words, but their body language speaks volumes. Choosing the right battles and understanding their individual needs plays a vital role in their social and emotional development during these early, formative years.