Category: Parent

Navigating the delicate balance of allowing children to learn from natural consequences versus intervening to prevent harm is a nuanced aspect of both childcare and parenting. While it’s instinctual to protect our children from all forms of discomfort, understanding when to step back and let natural learning moments unfold is essential. This approach fosters responsibility and helps children understand the impact of their actions in a safe environment.

For example, explaining the dangers of a hot stove and preventing a child from touching it demonstrates the importance of protective intervention. However, illustrating the concept of natural consequences through scenarios like experiencing hunger due to skipping a meal can be an effective learning tool. This method teaches children the direct outcomes of their choices, emphasizing the value of decision-making and follow-through.

In any childcare setting, consistency in discipline and the establishment of trust and respect are fundamental. Children need to know that the boundaries set by their caregivers are meant to guide them towards making positive choices. By allowing children to face the natural consequences of their actions, we give them the opportunity to learn from experience, provided these consequences do not pose any risk to their well-being.

Understanding the motives behind a child’s behavior—whether for attention, power, revenge, or due to feelings of inadequacy—is crucial in determining the appropriate response. Offering choices and following through with established consequences reinforces the lesson that every action has an outcome, encouraging children to make decisions that align with their best interests.

In my daycare, emphasizing the importance of “making good choices” and establishing clear expectations has proven to be effective. Simple rules, like cleaning up after playing or trying a bit of everything on their plate, are framed as opportunities to learn about responsibility, health, and safety. Ultimately, the goal is to assure children that the guidelines in place are for their benefit, nurturing a supportive environment where learning from natural consequences is part of growing up.

In today’s world, the pressures of a dual-family income and the rising cost of living are significantly impacting both parents and children. The pursuit of maintaining even a modest lifestyle is becoming increasingly challenging, with real estate, groceries, and utilities prices soaring. This financial strain contributes to the escalating mental health issues within family dynamics, affecting both adults and children. The luxury of having a stay-at-home parent is often sacrificed, leaving children yearning for more attention and time with their parents.

Many discussions I’ve had at my daycare revolve around parents grappling with their child’s unexpected behavioral changes—actions that signal a deeper need for attention and understanding. The rarity of downtime in our packed schedules, from work to extracurricular activities, leaves little room for families to simply enjoy being together. This constant rush inadvertently stresses children, mirroring the adult world’s pressures onto their young shoulders. The quest for balance becomes even more daunting when family members are seldom home simultaneously.

My personal journey as a parent and daycare provider taught me the importance of prioritizing positive interactions and quality time over the digital distractions that so easily consume our lives. Encouraging a “bored” child to engage in imaginative play outside or contribute to household chores can be incredibly beneficial, fostering independence and creativity away from the constant stimulation of electronics.

Children today exhibit more anxiety and sensory overload symptoms, often manifesting as erratic emotions or shortened attention spans. The convenience of digital devices as a form of entertainment only exacerbates this issue, leaving children in a loop of seeking external validation and stimulation. Recognizing the signs of a child merely needing attention, rather than diagnosing a clinical disorder, is crucial.

As parents, we must reassess our priorities, asking ourselves whether an overly scheduled life is truly beneficial for our children. Embracing moments of boredom, reducing reliance on electronics, and creating intentional family time can significantly alleviate the stress that permeates our homes. It’s a call to slow down and cherish the fleeting moments of childhood, finding joy in the simple act of listening to our children and being present in their lives.

Living in a world of over eight billion people, it is amazing how lonely it can be. Modern technology has afforded us the privilege of having the world at our fingertips, via our cell phones, television, computers, etc… But finding our “Village”, close personal connections with individuals is much more difficult. Advice is at our fingertips, recipes galore, how to parent our children, how to manage a household, so much wonderful information. Technology can increase feelings of isolation. It is difficult to parent young kids without your own community. Nothing replaces human connection.

Everyone, myself included, have become so incredibly busy we have forgotten the importance of reaching out. It is so easy to immerse ourselves into survival mode, that we forget that self care can involve laughing with a friend. So many of the families I encounter through my job no longer live near family, or extended family. The drive to find a good job can mean leaving all of our friends and family behind. I encourage engagement between like minded parents at drop off and pick up at my daycare. There are so many types of parents with different parenting styles that we can all learn from each other. Joining parent and tot groups are a wonderful way of meeting parents. But alas the key component to finding our village is being willing to reach out.

The diversity of our communities enables us to seek out positive role models, and like-minded families. Being up front and intentional can help develop organic friendships. Going to parks, community centers, schools, churches, but remembering to instigate conversation with your peers. It may seem impractical as a new parent to volunteer, but it is a great way to meet like minded individuals. I have encouraged parents to understand that sometimes finding time for themselves to develop friendships means making it a priority, an absolute necessity.

Don’t rush it. The building process takes time. Juggling parenthood can be overwhelming. But remember, your children gain so much by having other adults in their lives. Learning to trust and spend time with other families teaches our children about the value of maintaining positive friendships. Your village is out there, go out and find them. Live intentionally, you are worth it!

It never fails to amaze me how quickly parents are to criticize others facing parenting challenges. Instead of opting for compassion, understanding, and extending support, it’s far too common to find parents judging or condemning those struggling with unruly children. The advice is plentiful, yet genuine assistance is often scarce. Criticism only serves to deepen the divide, leaving parents feeling isolated and unsupported.

In my daycare, I’ve created a haven of support, advice, and action plans for families grappling with these challenges. It’s not uncommon for parents to ask me how I manage to get their children to cooperate in ways they find elusive. My secret? A little village of support that includes not only the children but their parents as well. This communal approach teaches the children the value of supporting one another, both through actions and words, and extends this philosophy to their parents too. Once we all embrace the power of assistance and collaboration, navigating the complexities of parenting becomes significantly easier.

I’ve personally visited homes to aid parents in distress over their child’s behavior, fully aware that although it might inconvenience me, my support is invaluable to them. The mental health and safety of everyone involved is a priority, necessitating a vigilant eye for any signs of abuse or mental health struggles, without letting my generosity be taken for granted.

Much like children thrive when playing with their peers, parents too benefit from a supportive community. Learning from each other and accepting help is crucial. Recognizing your limitations and seeking help doesn’t diminish your quality as a parent.

Parenting is inherently challenging, more so when there’s a lack of consensus on discipline or care. A third-party perspective can offer a balanced approach or a new strategy, enhancing the family’s harmony. Our village includes family, friends, mental health professionals—anyone committed to the family’s well-being. Embracing shared responsibility in raising children shifts the narrative from indifference to collective action.

Trying to bring balance in a room full of toddlers is like trying to count the hairs on your head. Not that peace cannot happen, but it is very difficult. We try to teach our children about the value of sharing. How good it feels to give instead of always receiving.

But alas children will take the idea of “sharing is caring”, and run away with it like a dog with his favorite bone. That term gets abused by little people who want what someone else has. Not that sharing isn’t encouraged, but patience is also necessary. Most, (not all), toddlers aren’t inherently greedy, but when they like something, they don’t want to share, especially if its a new toy or a favorite. The tough part in this situation is to try to figure out how to maintain harmony. The examples of how we overcame some of this adversity is as diverse as each child in our care.

The quiet child is taught to use their voice. They may be encouraged to say “No”, when they are not ready to share with a happy heart. Our quiet children aim to please their peers. Unfortunately some of the older children will take advantage of the more peaceful peers. Sometimes they will bully them into getting what they want. Using our voices is the best way to communicate our needs. Therefore if the quiet child says “no”, then we respect their decision. Allowing them the opportunity to gain self confidence and teach them control over choices. In addition they are not feeling pressured into giving things up before they are ready. Once a reasonable amount of time has passed, we will encourage even the quiet child to consider another toy so everyone gets a turn.

The “hoarder”, the child that wants every toy, including what other children have. This child needs to be taught to be happy with what they have. Easier said then done, but perseverance is key. To encourage someone to share who does not want to is a task of love and patience. Trying to showcase the gratitude given by peers when you share some of the toys should bring about a more willingness to part with hoarded toys. Teaching them that they don’t have to share everything, but they have to share some. Unfortunately sometimes it means also limiting the amount of toys this type of child is allowed to have. Not segregating them, but making sure more toys are available for the rest of the children to play with.

Then there is the child that always wants what someone else has. This child is not as easily taught to share, and harder to pacify with a different toy for obvious reasons. Sometimes they need to be given “alone time” at a table to curb their strong desire to continue to try to take toys away from someone else. Or a visual aid i.e: a timer, so they can patiently wait for a different toy. Harmony can be achieved by creating team play, like board games, Lego, and other interactive toys, to encourage sharing the same toys.

There are lots of books that can be read as well that can teach them the joy of sharing in a positive way. A favorite is a book called “You get what you get and you don’t get Upset” by Heath McKenzie, or “You get what you Get” by Julie Gassman.

The balancing act that comes from teaching all personality types about sharing in a timely and grateful way is definitely an art form. Sharing is caring when done in a respectful way.

Today I had a child scream non stop for over a hour, inconsolable, unreasonable, and refusing a safe space to diffuse so that the rest of the children didn’t have to listen to his rant. He wanted the tag taken off of his shirt and his Mom said no.

Today I had a child bite themselves very hard repeatedly because they didn’t want to put toys away and refused to participate in the next activity.

Today I had a child have such severe bowel movements that they had gone through three sets of clothing, and no parent or emergency contact to be found.

Today a child plugged a toilet so severely that a plumber had to be called.

Today a child bit five children so hard that they almost drew blood. The parent of the biter suggested I keep the child beside me and not allow him/her to play with the other children.

Today I had a child pick their noses so much they continuously had nose bleeds throughout the day.

Today I had to buy a child diapers that the parent refused to bring, stating that I shouldn’t have to change her child more than once a day.

Today I had a parent get mad at me for charging a late fee because they were only a half hour late.

Today I had a child headbutt me so hard that I felt woozy from the pain, as I was trying to stop them from ripping up a brand new daycare book. 

Today I had an unscheduled child show up, and the parent rush out the door before I could turn them away. (Parent would not answer calls or texts)

Today I had a parent yell at me because her child refused to wear socks, and instead of possibly loosing them, I requested slippers or indoor shoes, trying to keep her child’s feet warm. Apparently I should be able to convince a strong willed two year old to keep socks on in a loving supportive way.

Today a child cut her hair while doing scissor practice.

Today I cried.

Today I was exhausted.

Tomorrow I will start all over again with smile on my face.

Teaching your children to be cautious, to question things, and to feel confident in their surroundings is crucial for their social and emotional development in early childhood. However, it’s important for adults not to project their own insecurities and anxieties onto their children. In my experience, I often hear parents say, “well when I was a child…”, but it’s essential to remember that each child is unique, with their own strengths and challenges.

For example, a parent might say, “She doesn’t like gymnastics, but I was good at it until I broke my leg. She just needs to learn to like it.” Or, “I was never good at school, so he probably won’t be either.” These attitudes can inadvertently impact a child’s self-esteem and hinder their emotional growth.

I’ve seen how these projections can create emotional and mental health challenges in children. In my role, I often reassure children that they are “Perfect just the way you are,” or “As long as I see you trying, I am happy with your work.” This kind of affirmative support is key in nurturing their emotional well-being. Additionally, children need to learn that correction is a positive way to learn, tailored to their abilities, not based on the parent’s projections.

Children have expressed to me their exhaustion from over-scheduling, like the 5-year-old who broke down crying due to a packed routine of dance, gymnastics, swimming, and weekend tournaments. This highlights how parental expectations can sometimes overlook the importance of balance in a child’s social and emotional development.

One particular case involved a child who suddenly developed separation anxiety when his routine changed due to his parents’ work schedules. His mother’s own anxiety about leaving him only intensified his distress. By working with the mother to address her anxieties, we helped her teach her child to cope with separation, an important aspect of emotional development in early childhood. We used consistent routines and reassurance, like sending pictures and texts to show he was doing well, to ease both their anxieties.

Listening to your child is paramount. They may not always express themselves with words, but their body language speaks volumes. Choosing the right battles and understanding their individual needs plays a vital role in their social and emotional development during these early, formative years.

Full moon, poor sleep, home life stress, unforgiving weather, and children with cabin fever. The perfect storm. A day like no other. Waking up to fresh snow and down right frigid weather for the 14th day in a row, too cold to function, too cold to play outside.

The children showed signs earlier that week of needing to get outside, room to run, an environment that invites loud voices with space to spare. Where we live, winter is too long, and can be way too cold. This day was no exception to the rule. The wind chill that day would easily freeze any exposed skin in minutes. Arguably daycare should have been closed, but some parents had no choice but to persevere through the cold weather to go to work. Having a daycare in my own home made it impossible for me to close due to bad weather, after all my commute was non existent. Setting myself up for the day, preparing for restless children, determined to get through the day. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen. Seven children and me, not necessarily a bad number, just busy.

The children asked for the toy box, no problem, except three of them relentlessly fought over the same toy. Taking the toy away to give them a breather, one of them decided to sit and scream at the top of their lungs for over fifteen minutes, completely inconsolable. Going against my grain, I gave in, giving them back the toy on the agreement they would take turns. Setting the timer so they each had equal time, making it easier to share the toy, seemed like a good idea. However one child complained that they didn’t get the same amount of time because they went to the bathroom. Then the next child decided to argue that no one wanted to play with him while he had the toy. Fighting, arguing, and crying, the toy got put away. This initial fight dictated the rest of the day.

Snack was “disgusting”, (Bananas). The story was boring. Why do they have to do learning time. Soap all over the sink instead of washing hands. Plugging up the toilet, not once, not twice, but three times. Markers for coloring were used on hands, table, and on the chairs (ultra clean markers, thank you Crayola 🙂 ), another task to clean. I went to the bathroom briefly, to come out to a child crying in hysterics, of course no one knew what happened. The phone kept ringing, I had no time to answer. One child leaning forward bit my shoulder for no apparent reason while I was sitting on the floor playing toys with them. Snagged my sweater on a toy car. One of the kids has a bowel movement in their underpants. Giving up I decided to start lunch. Suddenly I tripped and fell while carrying the pasta to drain in the sink, spaghetti all over the floor.

The children were getting hungry, grumpy and tired. Starting spaghetti all over again was not going to happen, so I made sandwiches, and finger foods. No one wanted to eat, and loudly voiced their displeasure of not having spaghetti. Checking the clock to see how much longer till my day would be done. Alas, the phone began to ring again. Taking a second while the children sat at the table pushing their food around, I answered it. Straining to hear the caller, realizing it was one of the parents, they were currently stuck in the city, over a hour away. They were calling to let me know that they would possibly be late coming to get their children.

The last straw, tears streamed down my face. Frustration, and a poor sleep, leaked down my cheeks. All the children stopped their complaining once they realized I was crying. “Shush”, one of them said to the others. Silence floated over the room. “She needs a moment”, the other one said. “Come sit and have some water”, as they grabbed my hand to sit. I sat, they ate. I wiped my face. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and thanked them for their kindness. One of my littles looks at me and says, “Its okay, you let me cry when I need to”. 🙂

Navigating through the challenges of changing family dynamics, especially when relationships are falling apart, is a delicate task. In marriages or relationships, people can either grow together or drift apart, leading to numerous reasons why family units crumble. Unfortunately, in such situations, children often bear the emotional brunt. Daycares and day homes serve as sanctuaries away from the turbulence of broken families, offering a safe space for children to express their grief, anger, and other emotions. These environments, where chance brings together a family of people, allow these young ones to create a secure haven distinct from their homes, which might be falling apart.

In my day home, addressing these changes involves individual conversations with parents, emphasizing that the childcare center is neutral ground, prioritizing the safety and stability of the children. I enforce zero tolerance towards any negative discussions about the other parent. Preserving the child’s mental well-being takes precedence over any emotional tugs from either parent. I refrain from involvement in custody disputes unless abuse is a concern, in which case, appropriate authorities are immediately contacted. My sole suggestion might be counseling for the child, recognizing the vulnerability of children to a myriad of emotions like sadness, fear, and anger. Mental health professionals are better equipped to guide them through these complex emotions, complementing the support offered at child care centers.

Additionally, firm boundaries are maintained in adherence to court-ordered or mutually agreed-upon custody arrangements. My primary goal is to nurture the child’s holistic development – social, emotional, behavioral, physical, intellectual, and academic. While providing a service that allows parents to work, I always emphasize that the child’s well-being is paramount. I create a stable environment by upholding rules and routines, providing a semblance of normalcy amid their newly chaotic world. Encouraging children to vocalize their feelings helps them cope, fostering conversations within the group about diverse family units, ensuring no child feels isolated. Children, though unique, crave security, acknowledgment, and understanding. It’s essential to engage respectfully with parents, setting aside personal opinions about the family dynamic. Remember always to be the supportive adult these children need during this challenging time.