Category: Parent

“I’m bored”, my answer, “Good, now do something to change it.” We live in a world of instant gratification. Being bored generates creativity. Crayons and paper, a good book, running your toes through the long grass, using your imagination.

My mind wonders back to a time when tablets and Netflix was not a part of our world. There is a constant struggle between doing too much and not doing enough when it comes to our children, the need to “busy” their day. A lot of parents have lost focus on letting children daydream, forgetting that this is essential to their mental and emotional development. Boredom creates the desire to find something new. Imagination needs boredom to come alive.

I am not saying that technology doesn’t have it’s place. But find alternatives, encourage other boredom busters, that encourages activity. There are creative ways such as through online yoga for kids, and educational programs as well. But going to the library, swimming, going for a walk, delving into the absolute beauty of a spiderweb, these are so worthwhile. This first five years of a child’s life are the most formative, don’t narrow it down to a ten inch screen.

For as much as I insist on healthy eating, my children enjoyed going to restaurants and eating fast food as well. More often than not I used it as a tool for my parenting advantage. One of the building blocks for strong minds and strong bodies is teaching through opportunity.

The struggle is real when it comes to going to a restaurant with little kids opposed to just getting takeout. Going to a restaurant can help instill “proper” social skills, and table manners. Since practice makes perfect, pretending to be at a restaurant at home to teach etiquette can be an important tool, the reward being children who are better prepared for the actual event. Behaviors being modified through play can ease the pressure. Once at an actual restaurant, it helps to be patiently firm, using gentle correction, and above all avoid creating a scene. A lot of restaurants can and will put a rush on children’s food, giving them more time to eat. Children will make mistakes, so being prepared with fidgets,(i.e.: coloring), and conversation that includes your children sets a peaceful scene.

Being patient through this process is key. If you need to leave mid meal in order to keep it as a positive experience than do so, don’t hesitate. Watch your children for cues that they are just done, since their patience levels do not always match our own.

Takeout at home can be a great tool for teaching balance. “Treats” are not the enemy if done in moderation. Children imitate us, so when we show control, allowing for the odd indulgence, we bring in balance. Most, if not all, fast food places will have healthier alternatives too, such as apple slices instead of french fries. Keep it fun, since “all work and no play”, gets old fast.

We are all superheroes in our own right. Some juggle full time work, parenting, sports, housework, mental health, physical health, as well as many different daily activities. Its no surprise that adults are getting overwhelmed, overstimulated, and most certainly overtired.

As an owner of a private dayhome I see many different forms of fatigue grace my door. As a result, I am an advocate of a “Day without children”. Many parents feel guilty when they leave their children in my care if they are not going to work. Please never feel that way, never take yourself for granted, we all need to breath.

When we give ourselves a much deserved break, we become better parents, spouses, friends, and individuals. Burnout happens too quickly and far too often parents feel ashamed to ask for help, admitting they are not always superheroes. Breaks don’t mean ignoring responsibilities, but prioritizing ourselves as important as well. We are our own responsibility.

My children knew all to well that during the day, (primarily because I worked from home) I was at their disposal, and they were given my attention as much as I could muster. I involved them in the household chores, and daily activities, so that once bedtime was done, it was my time. My time was and still is incredibly important to me.

Personal time should not be considered a luxury, but a necessity, just like eating, and breathing. Overall, downtime helps us parent better, increases our patience, and helps stave of the feeling of being inadequate and ineffective. Be your own superhero, your children will thank you.

One of the best lessons I ever learned, and share daily with parents, is to validate emotions like sadness and anger. Talk about how they are feeling, deep breathing, a hug, simple gestures. When a child is acknowledged by an adult, they feel seeable, hearable, and understandable. They learn better how to use their words to express themselves.

Depending on the situation, there are numerous ways to help children understand their emotions and how to express themselves in a more productive way.

In this blog I would like to focus on anger.

Anger in a child is a very deep, raw feeling. Anger is not easily understood by young minds, hence they can react poorly. Some children will cry uncontrollably, some will lash out physically harming themselves and/or others. No matter how a child acknowledges this emotion, self control needs to be imposed. Don’t get me wrong, I understand anger, but a child’s anger can be masking a different emotion, or need. Teaching communication, and self regulation, is critical when children are young.

Deep breathing, punching a pillow, coloring or drawing a picture, crying, whatever helps them release the emotion and calms their mind. Then help them try to find words to express why they are angry. Personally, when I have felt overwhelmed with the daycare, I set an example. Calling attention to how I am feeling, what caused my anger/frustration, and showing them how I help myself become calm. Many times they will join me in deep breathing, emulating the behavior I want from them :).

Children can have “Bad” days too, honestly not knowing why they feel grumpy. They just do, and that’s okay. Create a safe space for them to just be, feel, and breath. Words of affirmation, for example, ” I know you are grumpy, I feel grumpy sometimes too. Is there something I can do to help you?”, or “When we are not feeling gentle, and need to get our rough out, would you like to play with playdough?” Acknowledge, and help if wanted. Understand sometimes children don’t know why they feel angry. As a result change will happen, teaching behavior modification through action, mindfulness, and affirmation, which teaches self regulation.

As a parent try to find triggers, stay calm, praise positive behavior, and try to remain consistent. Set rules, set consequences, and don’t give in. Remember if anger is in the form of a temper tantrum over wanting something you’re not willing to give, and you give in, your teaching them that that behavior works. It’s all a balancing act.

“Are you making good choices?” A sentence that has been ringing in the ears of my daycare for years. Before any form of discipline is given in the daycare or even with my own children I always ask that question.

It is important to establish that children fully understand what they are doing in an unfavorable situation. Given the chance to rectify the issue, it also gives them an opportunity to see what their words or actions are doing in their environment, and how it is affecting their peers. The step back aids in getting them to assess their actions, show remorse, and stops the behavior before it becomes a repeated concern. It’s important to reinforce that “good choices” help in heading in a positive direction through praise and recognition, whereas “bad choices” will end up with negative consequences, and possibly further disciplinary action.

Everyone has their own idea of appropriate discipline. Daycares are very restricted, so we get creative. Working with Parents, creates harmony and solidifies boundaries. Daycare staff have to be approachable, to achieve parental confidence. When both environments combine, it creates a beautiful, clear, and concise climate for the children.

I am a firm believer that negative behavior merits negative consequences, and to always acknowledge positive behavior with praise and appreciation. Children like attention, and will seek attention whether it be unfavorable or affirmative, especially if they feel “unseen”. Teaching and promoting “Mindfulness” definitely alleviates unfavorable behavior.

It is vital to discuss inclusion as a desirable behavior to “making good choices”. Bullying is not a good choice, so it should be addressed. You don’t have to like everyone all the time, but never make a person feel bad or attacked. Little people have big emotions, learning how to regulate them is a worth while endeavor. The daycare promotes “using our words”, or having “alone time” at the table. It helps diffuse situations. Some children prefer seclusion, a safe place to let their emotions out in different ways, being given a better choice rather then hurting, or demeaning, another person.

“Be the person you needed as a child”, a sentence that always resonated with me. We must be role models for making good choices. Remember little eyes are always watching.

When cooking something nutritious, it can be hard to get a child to eat it.

Nutrition is important. Some, if not all, children insist on having the “same” stuff, eating or drinking only preferred foods and beverages. If allowed, this reduces their opportunities to taste new foods, creating difficulty in expanding the variety of what they eat.

It has always been a practice in my daycare to slowly introduce new foods in small age appropriate portions. I call it the ” three scoop/bite rule”. The first bite/scoop is always the hardest, as no taste is really established within the first scoop. The second bite gets the taste and texture, hopefully growing tolerance. The third bite is the deciding factor on “like” or “dislike”. If this is a new food, there is usually only three scoops put on the plate so it is not overwhelming. This makes finishing it all a reward on its own as well.

Now of course that is not “fool proof” but constant exposure does help build tolerance, and eventually acceptance. The younger the child is started with this, the more accepting of this habit they become, producing more of a drive to try more and different foods. Portion sizes for each child are always age appropriate, and there will always be foods that are just not going to be liked. Regardless, they are still served (especially healthy items, hence the title “You don’t have to like it…….”)

Condiments and desserts are wonderful as an aid in trying new things. Neither has to be used, but both can be worthwhile tools, incentives (and we all like incentives). Incentives in our day to day as adults like going to work to get paid, or paying your rent/mortgage to have a place to live, or even nutritious eating to have a healthier immune system and reduce your risk of serious illnesses.

Children don’t always see the incentive of the long term benefits of eating well, but if there is a treat or dessert at the end of eating something less than desirable they are more inclined to try it. For condiments, ketchup has been known to help many things go down easier, and if it works, use it. My daycare children love dipping vegetables into ranch dressing. Honestly I am far from concerned as to how they eat it, as long as they eat it. Constant exposure produces tolerance.

There are always way to hide vegetables in what they eat as well. We have added pureed butternut squash to a cheese sauce for macaroni, cauliflower to rice or mashed into potatoes, and so on. There are even cook books out there that have these options as well. Having these resources on hand makes meal planning a bit easier.

At the end of the day the important thing is keeping our children healthy, active, and happy. There will be certain foods that are just not going to happen on their own, so be creative, but know when to draw the line.

I come from a modest family, so I am an example of having to eat what you are given. But to this day I will not eat a raw tomato, liver ( any organ for that matter 🙂 ), or muscles/oysters. Never loose hope, just get creative and praise your child if dessert is not an option for your family. Find a way to have your child gain confidence in eating new, different, less than desirable foods through helping with meal preparations, or a behaviour chart to earn privileges etc. My children liked going to the grocery store with me to pick out different food choices. I encouraged something they liked and something to try.

On a side note, there are even ways to slip vegetables into desserts :). Ironically, given time, most of my daycare children have learned to enjoy foods previously not liked.