Lying is common with children, sometimes even as early as 2 and a half years old. Its not always their intention, but they can definitely fabricate stories to their advantage, or defense. The difficult part is trying to find out why they are fibbing. Lying can be out of fear, trying to gain approval from their peers, or other underlying reasons. Anxiety or depression can also lead to lying as well, a defense mechanism so they don’t worry their parents. No matter the reason, honesty is a very important behavior that needs to be impressed. Helping a child figure out why they feel the need to fib is part of the solution.
One of my daycare children was playing pretty energetically, lifted up their sleeve to reveal a nasty cut. As soon as attention was drawn to the wound, all their peers were questioning what happened. Listening in for my own sake, I heard this child say that it was because of their cat. Then it was the child’s sibling cutting him with a butter knife. To get an even bigger reaction he said his parent cut him with scissors. He was glowing from the attention. After hearing the progression of stories about the wound, I took the child aside to ask what really happened. As a result of the conversation I did find out the truth, their cat had scratched the child. The incident was confirmed by the parent. Instead of embarrassing the child and drawing attention to the lie, I gave the child confidence to tell the truth about the scratch the following day.
Encouraging honesty through trust is important for anyone. There is no real solution that stops a child from lying completely, but praise for the truth is important. You can help them learn how to avoid situations where they feel the need to lie. When it is hardest for them to tell the truth is when the most praise should be given. Always try to give children the opportunity to tell the truth and help them make the right choice. Stress the consequences for their actions. Positive for the truth, negative for the lie.
The harder the truth, the more encouragement is needed. For example when a child breaks a toy – “Thanks for telling me the truth, what caused it to break? How can we fix this?”. Rule of thumb, if it was a deliberate action, intended, then there is still negative consequences. But the punishment is lessened by telling the truth. It is important to stress the, “if you tell me the truth” consequences, versus the consequences of continued denial. To quote Dr. Rouse (Child Mind Institute), “What are the circumstances of the lies? There are no hard and fast guidelines, different levels means different repercussions.” (Why kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It from childmind.org) This article is chalk full of amazing ideas for how to deal with lying right into the later years.
Confidence is very important no matter the age. We encourage the importance of embracing individuality in my daycare. Helping at a young age for them to see how amazing they are, exactly as they are. Embracing interactive play at all ages, and the importance of helping each other learn how to be a good friend. Tall stories are okay, if they are acknowledged as a beautiful imagination. Even if someone gets cornered by their peers in a fabricated story, they are not allowed to call each other liars. No one is labeled. Instead the child is allowed to tell why they felt the need to embellish their story, and to correct the issue. No lies needed, no labeling required.