Author: Daycare Lady

The “no thank you bowl”

Standing firm can sometimes be the answer.

Having the day home critiqued by the children’s parents is welcomed.

There have been some wonderful ideas that I continue to this day. After all, they know their children better than I do. In addition, making transitions easier is in everyone’s best interest. A newcomer to the day home was a particularly fussy eater, fussier than most children I have dealt with over my many years. Patience for adjusting is a must, and it teaches the children they are safe with me.

It doesn’t take long to learn the eating habits of a new child. I always take time to change it to adapt to the daycare, or alter daycare to aid the child. The children are only given choices on their food that I am okay with them making, i.e.: they can say no to any condiment, or choosing water over milk. But with the important stuff (i.e. vegetables) they can request the “3 scoop rule” and forfeit dessert. At least some of it is eaten. For more info, here and here are both blog posts where I discuss my point of view. While a child is adapting to the day home portions are small, allowing them to be successful. Success is an opportunity to eat more of what they like for seconds, and being able to have dessert.

After many failed attempts to coerce the new child into eating the food that was given, I approached the parent for advice. She proceeded to tell me that at home they have a bowl on the dinner table called a “No thank you” bowl. Intrigued I questioned her further. The concept was fascinating. Presenting the dinner plate with everything she had cooked for supper to the child. Then they got to choose what they wanted and the rest would be put into this bowl….. Every ounce of me retaliated against this idea, but I decided to try it, hoping to create more harmony at lunch time.

Putting this new idea into action had its challenges. The majority of the children were definitely confused, as they had always been taught to tolerate all foods. Slowly I noticed many food items were making there way into the “No thank you” bowl, mostly vegetables and meat. Dessert was easier to achieve. Sadly, some children even decided to forgo lunch in lieu of the dessert. Children were hungry, as they were limited to only one dessert. My mind was made up, this was not working!

Thanking the parent for the idea, I had decided to revert back slowly to my old ways. It didn’t take long for even the new child to see the benefit of eating healthier, smaller manageable portions. I started implementing no dessert without trying the undesirable food before putting it into the bowl, eventually eliminating the bowl all together, and reinstating my three scoop rule. The family continues the bowl at home, and their child eats everything for me, harmony in both environments.

Troubled water

It is easy to take the every day norms of life for granted.

It is easy to take the every day norms of life for granted, especially when it has become second nature to you. I had the fortune of being a daycare provider for three little people who were in foster care with their Grandma. She (the Grandma) was desperately trying to provide for her grandchildren and continue her education. The juggling act that woman had on her hands was commendable. Social services contacted me and asked if I had space for these children in my day home. Explaining their circumstances, my heart could not say no.

As we got to know each other, the children grew to respect my position in their lives. The Grandmother trusted me to do right by her, and her grand children. She slowly trusted me with their story. The hurt all of these people had endured took my breath away, and made my determination to show them compassion that much more important. These children had come from a severely drug addicted Mother, and had been physically abused. They had been surviving off of very little, to no comforts we all take for granted. Grandmother, a very proud woman, had walked away from a very abusive spouse. She gained her strength to leave through attempting to make life better for her grandchildren. My mission had been set in stone, these children needed to know happiness.

My day home children had been raised to be inclusive. Welcoming these children into their daycare family was easy for them. Adapting them to our schedule was quite easy as well. They showed so much appreciation for everything. However, one particular day stands out.

Grandma had dropped off the children a little earlier, needing extra time to study for her exam that day. The children sat at the breakfast table with mine, and we all ate together. My husband gave me and the children a quick hug before heading off, including them. A simple act, but a needed one, especially for these children. The smile on their faces was unmatched by their gratitude for the simple act of the quick hug. Feeling included in my own personal family, you could see how much they craved these simple gestures. Continuing on with the day, I ushered them all into the bathroom to brush teeth, and wash up before the rest of the daycare kids showed up. The children loved the simple wholesome act, and brushed their teeth with delight.

As soon as the rest of the day home children began to show up, the bragging began. “We got to brush our teeth here”, the youngest smiled to his peers, “And we all ate breakfast together!”. The other children shrugged it off, not realizing how important these simple acts were. When their Grandma arrived to pick up the children at the end of the day, they gushed again about the “family” time they spent with me. Grandma smiled her shy weary smile, thanking me for helping her build their “bridge over troubled water”, my heart burst with pride for being seen as part of their healing.

Human Connection

Mental health is so delicate, let your child know you are truly listening.

We are all guilty of countless hours of mindless scrolling on our phones, ignoring human connection.

Our children unfortunately consider it part of their social life, a way to stay connected with their peers. Gone are the days of hiding in the pantry on the telephone dialing the number of your crush and hanging up when they answer. Sadly learning how to socialize has changed so much, now everyone sits in restaurants staring at their cell phones. Human connection is so incredibly important, from babies to the elderly. Media has afforded our children isolation, bullying, manipulation, and body dysmorphia in the palm of their hand.

At what age are handheld devices appropriate, offering accessibility to social media? Is tablet time and cell phone use being abused by children, but being allowed by adults? Parenting is tough enough without the added argument about screen time. Please understand I am not trying to contradict myself,(Blog Post: Mindful Technology ), but I can’t stress enough the importance of putting down technology to embrace the here and now. The little people I care for show so much more anxiety, and less patience, not because they aren’t capable of it, but their environments have become more instantaneous.

Hug your children, let them know that they are far more important than anything else. Teach them the importance of human interaction, and being present. So often when we are doing our exercises in daycare, an ad pops up the children insist that I “skip it”. Unless its inappropriate I will instead show them how to utilize the time constructively. The art of conversation is such a beautiful way to connect with our little ones, helping them use their imagination. Teaching conversation as a part of human connection without physical contact. To the right is a link for a very cool family game. The game helps with getting to know each other in a more humorous way, breaking the ice for conversations with our kids.

Any time we can separate screen time from family time, we are creating a more focused bond. Children need to feel important and heard, respect given is respect received. Take time to sit quietly and read a book with them, having family meals, anything that can create a positive screen free connection. Remember anyone that feels heard, is more likely to express inner thoughts and feelings. Mental health is so delicate, and when a person does not feel heard, they feel isolated.

Healthy Eating: Ways to add healthier food

Healthy options hidden in delicious treats!

Anytime I can incorporate vegetables/fruits into the children’s diet it is a win for them and I, promoting healthy eating.

If I can manage to add it into something that we can bake together, even better! Not all recipes are tasty if altered too much, balance is the key. As an example when a recipe calls for vegetable oil, I will use an applesauce and/or coconut oil mixture. Not only does it add nutrition, but sometimes its a good way to use up vegetables/fruits before they go bad. My daycare loves bran muffins with crushed pineapple in it, or pureed carrots mixed into tomato soup. The list is long, and the younger the children are for these changes, the more the taste becomes the preference.

If you’re looking for healthier recipes, the below recipe books are packed full of alternatives without compromising flavor.

Consider adding pumpkin and pumpkin spice into waffles, cinnamon buns, even cream based soups. You could also put sweet potatoes into chocolatey brownies, and cakes, and more. The options are endless. Healthier treats, healthier children, happier parents. The children will also be amazed at how they can’t even notice a difference 🙂

In addition, the children from my daycare enjoy in helping with the prep work for some of these amazing recipes. Combining healthy choices for healthy eating into baking makes everyone happy.

Do you love me?

Love is such a big emotion, treat it kindly.

Not that long ago one of my littles ran up to me, and gave me a hug. Putting my face into her tiny hands she asked me “Do you love me?”. Thinking quickly, smiling I replied, ” I love everything about you.” Her eyes sparkled like the sun, running over to another child she says, “Yup she loves me.” The little friend responds “Told you so!” 🙂 lol.

It is so incredibly difficult to not get completely attached to these little people. Their warm little hugs, the laughter while they play, so many reasons. Their love is so genuine. Somedays it helps when emotions run high, to remind ourselves of the rawness of their trust, knowing how easily it can be broken. Gratefully most children forgive faster than us adults.

Recently a new family started in my day home and she referred to what I do as “Co-Parenting”, I absolutely fell in love with this reference. Such a respectful way of describing the dynamics of the relationship between parents and me. Working together to raise amazing little individuals.

Do I love my daycare kids? Yes. Their love is so unique to each one of them. There are numerous pictures that adorn my wall, little notes of their appreciation to me. When I doubt how effective I am with each of them, I just look around me and see their drive to make me happy. My love for each individual helps remind me of the importance of my profession. The ache of letting them go is only eased by knowing I gave them my best.

Know when to let go.

Always respect yourself.

Every day is new, each has it’s own challenges. Some days can bring a myriad of emotions. One memory of a bad day stands out. This day helped me learn how to stand my ground when it came to my policies in the contract for my day home. Billing has always been work first, paid on an agreed date, and budget for the day home accordingly. The rates charged by my daycare have always been fair, competitive, and generally never questioned. Gratefully very few families have ever defaulted on paying

As a child I was raised that respect is not easily earned by your peers, but more importantly you should always have respect for yourself. Most families respected the day home payment contract, very few questioned it. The intent of the contract is to always be clear that there is no flexibility on the payment and scheduling rules.

A new family had arrived for the “Meet and Greet”. Part of this meeting was to go over my contract, making sure of complete understanding. Due to the people who worked for me, (that also had other jobs), they required notice for their work schedule. It was stressed a minimum “two weeks notice of schedule change”, was completely necessary. The family knew and understood, without prior notice they paid for the days they scheduled with me.

Everything had been going very well, and the child was adjusting to the new environment. Suddenly without notice the Father started sending me last minute texts removing his child from daycare that day. After three missed days the Mother brought the child. Taking the time to remind her about the required notice, assuring me she understood. Giving grace on the billing, I did not include those three days, reminding her that I would not do this again. As time went on, the schedule would be given to me, and the Father would break it without notice.

Frustrated I charged for all days including the missed days on the following daycare bill. The Father sent me a text asking if he could talk to me. My anxiety went through the roof. Attempting to prepare myself for what was about to happen, I requested the meeting be the following day during daycare hours.

Demanding to know why the daycare bill was so much, anger was written across his face. Taking a deep breath, I showed him the sign hung on the wall that reminds everyone about the required two weeks notice of schedule change. “That is absolutely ridiculous!” he boomed. Reminding him that they signed a contract that also stated this, as well as reminding him that I verbally told them as well. “I have no intention of paying this bill.” he said. With all the respect for myself that I could muster, I responded with, “Then I have no intention of your family being a part of my daycare family. Please leave.” Deep breath on my behalf, the door slams shut as he leaves, I sink to the floor and cry. Tears stream out of relief that he left, and pride in myself.

A quick side note: The Mother of this child showed up a few days later apologizing for her husbands behavior, as well as paying me for my time. In additions she also asked me to reconsider being their day home, but I kindly declined.

Put on your own mask first.

Being a parent is tough at the best of times

Often we encounter different emotions and difficult situations with the children, and are constantly teaching emotional regulation. In addition to the daily conversations at the door about the kids, occasionally a parent needs an ear as well.

A family was going through a tough time, and I overheard a parent commenting about the unfortunate events that had led up to the family unit dissolving. Being an advocate for my littles, trying to always be aware, I took note of what was happening. Carefully watching the children for signs of distress. Taking some time to approach each parent about their own emotional well being.

The family found comfort in knowing that they had a support system in place for their children at daycare. Sadly one of the parents had decided to take a stance that led me to set up a boundary of accountability. The situation started with the Parent stating, ” I have to put my own mask on first, I can’t deal with the children’s issues at daycare.” It is still your parental duties to help with the needs of your children. When a daycare approaches a parent, rest assured, it is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Taking care of yourself does not allow you to put parenting on the back burner. People don’t understand the saying, so they assume by “putting on your own mask first” means to only take care of yourself. That could not be further from the truth. Breathe, make sure your addressing your problems so you can be a more effective parent, not an absent one. Your “Mask” goes on when you maintain your own emotional and mental regulation, setting boundaries, for self and others. Putting on your “mask first” is so you are better able to help those around you, not ignore your responsibilities.

From the mouths of babes

Father’s day funnies.

Father’s day is a day that the kids enjoy, using their creative imaginations for crafts, and cards. A showcase of their love for one of their parents. Our part in the daycare is to help them discover the many reasons how they love and feel about their parent. The conversations that ensue are sometimes downright hilarious! I would love to share with you some of my favorites.

“How does your Dad show love”–

“My Dad loves my Mom and buys her “big people” red juice, but I can’t have any. But it sure makes my Mom happy, and I get to go spend the night with my Grandma”

“My Dad gives me big squishy hugs, cause he is squishy. Mom says its not okay to call Dad fat, so I call him squishy”

“My Daddy thinks its funny to fart and tell everyone I did it! Its so funny! My bum can’t be that loud! I love that my Dad is so stinky and funny!”

“Sometimes when its my Dad’s turn to get up with me, he lets me pick any breakfast I want, sometimes even ice cream!”

“My Daddy let’s me put make up on him so he is a pretty girl like me. Then we dance around the house and sing”

“What is your Dad’s job”–

“His job is to drive a car, drink coffee, and listen to his radio so he knows if he has to talk to bad people” (police officer)

“My Dad teaches children’s brains to learn”(teacher)

“He gets to build stuff, and wear a belt with a hammer, sometimes he yells at people to get to work”(Carpenter)

“My Daddy gets to play on a computer all day and count money, but he doesn’t get to bring it home”(Bank Manager)

“He gets to walk around a store and open boxes, doesn’t seem fun but he smiles when he goes to work” (Grocery clerk)

“Why do you love your Dad”-

“I love my Dad cause he gives me hugs and tucks me into bed. Sometimes I pull his finger and he farts!”

“My Dad cheers for me when I am playing hockey, he buys me a hot chocolate too! He says I skate like the wind”

“I love my Dad because he buys me food and toys. He likes to buy me toys he can play with too.”

“My Dad tells me he loves me every day and we sing loud in the car after daycare”

“Sometimes I love my Dad cause he plays games with me, and sometimes I love him more when he lets me win “

Children love both parents for many different reasons. It definitely makes my heart sing when I see the love they have for their Dad’s shine in their eyes, or the race to the door to see Mom. Happy Father’s day to all the fathers out there.

Lady bugs

They seem to be everywhere, and for good reason

We have always tried to show respect to every living creature, including insects. Some insects are harder to “love” than others, but lady bugs are an insect that is accepted by most children. I have so many memories that involved this little bug. One memory in particular still makes me laugh.

The daycare has always spent a great deal of time outside. Exploring our environment is always a must. This summer I had invested in insect catching kits, complete with little habitats for observation. Encouraging the children to look at many different insects, and being gentle. Ladybugs were the easiest to catch. One of the children was especially fond of the little red, and black polka dotted creatures. He had lots in his habitat crawling around.

As the sun started beating down, and the heat of being outside became too much to bare, we went back inside. The children were scared their new found friends would get hot in their little houses, so out of respect for the insects we released them into the shady areas of the yard. Or so I thought……

Cold glasses of water, and air conditioning helped squelch the heat of the day. Heading to the playroom for a cooler place to play. The children began sharing their excitement with each other about their bugs. One of the children spoke non stop about the ladybugs he caught, but kept making reference to them and showing the other children something in his hands. Thinking nothing of it, and pleased with their excitement over bug kits, I settled on the floor to watch and play games with the children.

Feeling something crawling on my arm, I looked and saw a ladybug. Taking the little bug into my hand I released it out the window. Sitting down again I see another one crawling up my pant leg, releasing it again out the window. I could hear some of the kids talking excitedly about the ladybugs and how wiggly they are. Their excitement bringing joy to my heart. Walking over to join their conversation, I notice yet another ladybug on the carpet. Catch and release. One of my littles was giggling, sticking his hands into his pocket and showing his friends his little possession. Low and behold, along with putting his ladybugs into the little habitat, he was also putting them in his pocket 🙂 Laughing, I had to take him outside for him to release at least 20 ladybugs!

The ladybugs had crawled out of his pocket, up his shirt, and in his pants. He laughed so hard as I tried to gently brush them off of him, rescuing ladybugs from his hair 🙂

A smile spread across my face that winter when I noticed a little ladybug living in one of my potted plants 🙂

Bullying

Bullying, at any age, should not be tolerated

Sadly bullying knows no age 🙁

It does not discriminate. It is not just a phase. Bullying happens everywhere, schools, child daycare centers, churches, everywhere. Bullying is very personal to each and everyone of us, and should never be ignored. They need help, you need help, and change has to happen, it is our responsibility.

My day home is inclusive of age, race, gender etc… we celebrate differences by recognizing them and through understanding. No person is better than the other. Respect, tolerance, and empathy is upheld even through punishment. Dignity is observed at all times. My littles are taught very early on “We teach people how we want to be treated”. No one person has the right to make you feel less than worthy, or demean your abilities. We are perfect exactly how we are. Children are always encouraged to tell us if someone is doing something that hurts their feelings. In addition, the accused is always given the opportunity to correct their wrong, mistakes do happen. I have always had zero tolerance towards bullying. Through compassion towards each other there is a greater understanding towards both positive and negative actions.

It is amazing how quickly children learn to instigate intimidation as a means to get there own way, even at the expense of a good friend. Taking the time to teach children about accountability is crucial to getting them to understand that they make a choice to be mean. Hence, we have always tried to impose mindfulness into our daily routine. A favorite set of books my day home uses are Have You Filled a Bucket Today? , Bucket Filling from A to Z, and Buckets, Dippers, and Lids. Such an insightful set of books, that when put into practice have been incredibly helpful for my littles in my day home. These books are very child friendly for understanding. Although there are many other forms of resources available, these have been my “go to” for quite a while.

Another positive activity we do is through behavior charts and discussing our emotions. Incentive Reward Chart is a visual that offers a positive reward to help with regulating negative behaviors, giving us, the adults, the opportunity to help the children work through difficult situations. Easily accepted, these visual aids are great for children of all ages. Take the time to teach children to repeat to themselves, “If I have nothing good to say, say nothing at all”. Not to squelch opinions but to emphasize the importance of being uplifting. Even as adults, it is best to try to make a negative into a positive. Through praise, and recognition to help aid in desirable behavior in children. Although I am sure I will approach this topic again, remember there are no “Bad” children, but some behaviors are not okay.