Author: Daycare Lady

Exhausted

Saving me from myself.

When I first got started with daycare, my children were little. Having other children around was wonderful for them at this stage. They looked forward to their daycare friends coming each day to play. Taking time off was very sparse for me. Not only was I trying to drum up business, but also trying to solidify my name as a respected day home provider. Word of mouth is a huge advertisement that requires no money. My evenings were busy with my children, so I occasionally did babysitting into the evening as well. Being in the public service industry can take a toll on a person. I felt as though I had to always be ready and willing to babysit, even at a moments notice.

For almost five years my holidays consisted of a maximum of 8 days off throughout the year. Guilt was always heavy on my mind any time I needed to close. Twelve hour days, Monday to Friday, every week. Families depended on me to remain open, so even with giving as much as three months notice it still made me feel guilty to close. Knowing if I couldn’t work, all of these families had to scramble for childcare in an already scarce environment. Daycare and Day home spaces, even back then,were few and far between. Working through illnesses both mine and my children, feeding suppers to children when Parents were running late, even occasionally keeping the kids over weekends.

The expectations of the families for me didn’t even come close to the expectations I had for myself. Trying to be the best in my field, balancing work and family, and trying to be a good spouse as well. The praise I received from the families was wonderful, always being at their disposal was phenomenal for them. But it started to take its toll on me, and my home life.

Slowly I began to realize I needed time off. Time to breathe, time to recuperate, and time to be a Mom to my kids. Exhaustion was starting to set in, and I knew I had to do something about it soon. Giving three months notice, I scheduled a week off in the summer. Ironically the families were for the most part accommodating, as well as understanding. Setting limits for myself was a huge learning curve. Teaching myself that I didn’t need to do it all, but pace myself.

Art as an outlet

Learned, honed, and conquered, outlets for mastering emotions through art

Dealing with changes in routine, even environmental and social changes, can create a plethora of emotions in children. Helping children deal with big emotions can sometimes be achieved with art. Finger painting, tearing paper, even just coloring in a coloring book, all wonderful elements and stepping stones to conversation, and calmness. Even as an adult I still find comfort in painting, drawing, writing stories etc. Repeating patterns is effective in regulating emotions, and the nervous system. (www.weareteachers.com) There are so many resources available now to help any of us Parents, Day homes, Day care centers, teachers etc., all at our fingertips for our little people. Take some time and explore art yourself 🙂

From discussing emotions, and singing about them, to drawing out how we feel, any outlet is still an outlet. One of my favorite crafts is to discuss how colors make us feel, and watching the stunned expressions on their faces when they learn how each color can affect their environment . Sunshine yellow makes us feel warm, red as angry, black and grey as sad, discussing all the colors. Little minds learning that sometimes when we can’t say how we are feeling, we can show our emotions through colors. Drawing mad lines, happy lines, even excited lines, then adding corresponding colors to create a story without words.

Adding in natural elements, and textures, is possible while creating art outside. Art takes on a different look when they are allowed to be barefoot and dig their little toes in the grass or sand. From Rock people, to making airplanes from twigs and leaves, there’s always so much fun and happiness. Children open up, and accept art as extensions as themselves. Their favorite art is their own art. Direction in teaching, and imagination when creating 🙂

Interested in supporting the blog? Then go ahead and check out our affiliated link for Children’s Art Supplies

And we danced.

Laughter in the rain

Music is a constant in my day home environment ( as is probably with any day care center). My daycare evolved from the first day I started, but the constant transformation always included my strong love of music. From children’s nursery rhymes, lo fi, meditative music, instrumental to more. Music is a tool to expel energy, for fun, for exercise, learning, and background noise. We sing. We dance. But not everyday is the same kind of music, just like us, we are not the same people we were yesterday.

The day I have in mind started off pretty rough, with plans being canceled. Everyone was in a somber mood, children included. Having made the mistake the day before telling the children we were going to the park in the morning, our plans dashed by the pelting rain from the sky. Sad little faces looking out the windows watching the sky, feeling the grey of the day. All of us hoping the rain would stop.

I had to figure out how to turn “their frown upside down”. The offered craft was met with some joy. However, their little minds had no desire for more with the craft finished. Overall playtime was met with arguing, and fighting over toys. Story time caused fidgeting and wiggling. There was no happy place for this rainy day. Then suddenly I had an idea. A smile spread across my face as I gathered the kids together. We put on boots, zipped up jackets, and bewildered little faces looked at me for answers.

Heading into the backyard, the kids started to giggle as the rain started to soak their hair. And we danced, and we sang, “Rain, rain, go away, come again another day!”. All while stamping in the rapidly forming puddles. Knowing we couldn’t stay outside for too long, we made the best of it. From one song to another, all songs about rain, dancing with shear delight! We soaked it all in 🙂

If you’re thinking about taking your kids outside to enjoy the rain, it can be handy to keep an extra raincoat on hand. Here is our recommendation!

Spilled Milk

Shelter from adversity is not productive.

Many parents don’t realize how much their children see, or how much burden their little minds can carry. The stories children have told me over the years about things happening at home. Some stories have resulted in hugs, and deep conversations. Arguing in front of your child is not necessarily a bad thing, they can learn conflict resolution if done right. Never call each other hurtful names, or use curse words during an argument especially if your child is present. Your children will emulate your anger when they have disagreements with you, so teach them how to be “just” in your arguments. In addition, parents crying can teach them sympathy and compassion. There are numerous reasons we shed tears, use your words when you can to explain simply “why”. Showing “big” emotions at home can be a positive experience, if done right.

My own children got to witness my spouse and I in heated discussions. Not always as positive of an experience as I would have preferred, but they learned everyone has a limit and how we handled it. Learning that you can “Agree to disagree”. They also learned that sometimes you just have to walk away until anger subsides. Trying to shelter children away from adversity is not productive. Home should be a safe place, emotions shown, and then taught how to be regulated. In addition, the outside world is very different and not all people are raised the same, having different ways of coping with emotion. Teaching the negative in a positive way is the best course of action. Emotional strength, being able to understand when someone is being irrational, does not mean you have to be.

The strength to walk away. Humility to know when to ask for help, and teach them it is okay to ask for help by showing it through our actions. No one can know happiness without knowing sadness, same for joy and anger. Teach by example. Children have learned trust in knowing how to view my own emotions. I teach through words and actions. As an example: A brand new toy was broken, and I was visibly upset. The child in question asked me if I was mad at him, my response was very calculated, “No, I am very disappointed that the rules were broken. My feelings are hurt that you didn’t respect this toy, and now we will have to replace it. Now everyone will have to be patient until I can get a new one. I am sad that not everyone had a chance to play with it.”

Don’t cry over spilled milk, but you can be disappointed 🙂 Anger can hurt our feelings, but it does not have to define the rest of our day. Being mindful in our environment and aware of those around us will teach children how our own behavior effects those around us. Be intentional with our actions as much as possible, children are watching.

Here are some resources that may help teaching your children how to handle their emotions.

Gifts for the Expecting Family

Expecting, or know someone who is? Here are some suggestions for gifts to give.

Everyone wants to help an expecting family prepare and help with welcoming the new addition to their household.

Not every gift needs to be of monetary value. Numerous families have asked me what I would suggest, so I compiled a list of the best gifts in my opinion.

1- Give the family time alone to adjust. Visiting is nice, but they are going to be tired, so wait for an invite.

2- Ask if there is any errands that you can do for them.

3- Offer your services in babysitting older children, and or babies, so the Parents can have some alone time, even if its just to sleep.

4- Remind them to put their names in for as many daycares as possible and begin the interview process before the child arrives. Quality child care is hard to find.

5- Hire a cleaning company to come in and help organize and get the house ready and sanitized. In addition, after baby arrives the same cleaning company is still a welcome addition.

6- Absolutely under any circumstances do not ever visit when you are sick.

7- Diapers, wipes, and formula (if being used). Ask if they have a baby registry to help with knowing what articles the couple need (See below).

8- Offering to prepare some easy meals for them, preferably in disposable dishes. Remind them you want to bring meals they will enjoy 🙂

9- Keep your opinions on child rearing to yourself until asked, but assure the family you are available for consultation if ever needed. Let them know you are there for them.

10- Talk to the new parents to make sure they are doing okay first, then ask about baby.

Some of the gifts mentioned cost money, but the best is to just listen and hear what they want or need. Be a positive supportive friend, or family member. Each child welcomed into their home is a brand new experience, from the first to the last.

Creating a registry really helps. If you’re looking for a baby registry, you can help out with the blog at the same time by using our affiliate link to sign up for an Amazon baby registry!

To be or Not to be

We all have doubts, and we all need reassurance from time to time.

Although my profession is a positive part of my life, there was a brief moment that I questioned if I should continue. The goal had been set that once my children were in school full time, I would consider a career change. I honestly thought I wanted nothing more but a 9-5 job. I wanted to be able to call in sick, get holiday pay, come home to a clean house. All the perks of working for someone else. My house to be nothing more than the place my family comes to rest.

My youngest was born in November. We had made the difficult decision of not allowing him to start kindergarten until he was 5 turning 6. Creating another year of him being at home, as well as me. As the day loomed over my head during his year in kindergarten, I began the descent in how many children I cared for. Less families to dismiss once I found a new job. In addition, quite a few of my long term families had their last child heading into grade one, and would no longer be needing my services. Trying to make the best of this last year, we did everything fun as much as possible. Spending countless hours crafting, dancing, and playing outside.

A grey cloud started to follow me, questioning my every move. Doubt entering into my abilities to even find another job. The days were filled with laughter from the children, my little rainbows. My evenings began to spiral into despair. Trying to write out my resume posed to be an issue, I had been running a day home for over 8 years at this point, not seeing my worth. Finally my husband sat me down and suggested I book an appointment to speak to a career counselor. Gently suggesting I seek medical help to help get me out of my funk. So, I took his advice.

My doctor was a very sympathetic person, he sat beside me and let me talk, and cry. My doctor reminded me that I am only one person. He showed me that making a major life change is very difficult, and that I should be patient with myself. The Career Counselor was amazing. From showcasing all of the skills I had acquired throughout my career, the public relation skills, and helping me see my self worth. My cloud started to go away. On my last visit to my Career Counselor, I was filled with hope again.

My depression was never about my daycare, it wasn’t about the restrictions of my job choice. My depression had been in my own self worth. The stigma revolving around my profession as a babysitter, day home provider, early childhood educator, (whatever you choose to call me), of not being a “Real Career.” I wear all of my titles with pride. My gratitude journal is full. Some day I will make the choice to retire. But not now, for now I will remain the Unicorn of day home providers 🙂

Remember, you are worthy of love, joy, and success. Embrace gratitude, discover your self-worth, and unlock the happiness that awaits you. If you need some help along the way, consider picking up this daily gratitude journal.

The Beginning

Everyone starts somewhere.

There was so much uncertainty when I decided to open my day home. We had already made the decision that our children would not return to daycare (a story for another time). My work experience with children was limited to having been an educational assistant (one and half years; At that time, having early childhood education was not a requirement for working as an educational assistant in schools), many years of babysitting as a teenager, and being a young mother. But, being a single income family was not feasible for us, so discussions took place between my husband and me as our modest savings dwindled, and it became crucial for me to find a way to generate income.

Feeling the financial pressure, I began searching the “help wanted” ads in the newspaper, expecting to find evening and weekend jobs. But to my surprise, I came across an ad that offered an opportunity to work from home and take care of my own children; after contacting the ad and scheduling a meeting, my mind raced with thoughts on how I could impress and secure the job, and my older sister, who ran a daycare in a different province, kindly shared all her contracts and menu planning with me, which further fueled my determination to make a positive impression and solve our dilemma by offering a daycare solution.

When the family arrived, I felt a mix of nervousness and excitement, but as I began showing them my work from the school I had been employed at, the mother interrupted and asked about my interests in baking, crafts, my role as a mom, and more; instantly, my excitement grew, and I enthusiastically shared my passion for all things artistic, my parenting style, love for the outdoors. A smile spread across her face. This family was amazing! They were parents I could truly collaborate with, and their confidence in me gave me a tremendous boost. After discussing payment and agreeing to a three-month trial period, I embarked on this new journey with enthusiasm.

That family became my starting point, and to this day, we remain friends. My evolution as a daycare provider continued from day one, and I can honestly say that I am a better mother and person because of the decision I made. Never in all my years did I expect to love this role as much as I do, and now, heading into my 27th year, I have faced numerous challenges and obstacles, but I have absolutely no regrets.

Setting up my day home and growing it to what it is today took a lot of hard work and learning along the way. Below, you’ll find some options for literature that could help you along your way as well, in both physical and digital form (alongside a kindle for the digital option). Plus, the links help support the blog!

Let’s hear it for the Fathers

A child may outgrow a Father’s lap, but never his heart.

From the beginning of my day home, the dynamics of parental involvement have evolved, and naturally fathers are a big part of this.

It was more commonplace for me to see mothers at the door versus fathers. Mothers would pick up the children, provide schedules, and so on. Although dads were always included in daycare correspondence, the majority would say, “Talk to the wife” or “Ask their mother.” But that has changed.

Times have changed. Now more than ever, fathers are asking the questions and being more proactive in their children’s day. Fathers are becoming more involved in the daily activities at the daycare center as well. Recently, a father asked me how he could be a more positive role model for his children. His questions involved finding positive ways to show emotions and discouraging excessive “screen time.” I have never had a father ask that before. It is an honor to share my knowledge and resources with any parent. Children view both parents equally, and it is refreshing to see the responsibilities being split so well. I do not minimize the positive effects of active involvement from either parent.

Children notice more than we think they do. One of the children at my daycare was talking to me the other day about how much his daddy hugs his mommy, and it made him feel loved to see that. I cannot stress enough the importance of teaching children emotional regulation through our own actions. Additionally, when both parents acknowledge and show approval of the daycare’s rules, it solidifies the ease of implementing them.

Fathers have become undervalued commodities, even though the pendulum is changing regarding the daily roles of each parent. Children are talking more about the activities and time spent with their fathers. The family unit is always a priority, with a focus on spending quality time together. Individual time, i.e. Dad with child, Mom with child, is also important. Moreover, parents proudly talk about giving their spouses the “weekend off” with respect, rather than grudgingly. This strengthens their family bond and showcases a more equal home life. The more engaged fathers are with their children, the more confidence and sociability develop, helping children become more resilient to stress.

In my previous blog titled “Chocolate Cereal,” I shared a humorous moment involving a father. This day served as an eye-opener for that family. The father didn’t realize the amount of work and organization required to get their children ready for the day. Although he was a great father, his job typically had him gone before the morning rush started. From that day on, the responsibilities of the morning became a shared task. The father started dropping off or picking up the children regularly. The children were thrilled to share their day with both parents equally. I loved observing how the family dynamics evolved and how the children blossomed due to this loving change.

Now more than ever, when asking a family question or scheduling, I hear responses like, “We will discuss it soon and get back to you as soon as possible.” (By the way, if you need assistance with scheduling and figuring out who’s doing what and want to support the blog, you can check out a recommended day planner through our affiliate link to the side.)

It is important to understand that fathers have always tried, in one way or another, to be critical parts of the daycare family. Society tends to minimize the parental strengths of fathers and the unique role they play in children’s lives, despite a growing body of research showing otherwise. To truly prioritize children’s well-being means also prioritizing fathers.

To interrupt or wait.

Teaching children patience and listening skills is a fundamental aspect of their development.

Children want to be heard, but interrupting, unless it’s an emergency, is not okay. Listening skills are taught early, and it is understood how important it is to wait for your turn. My day is spent listening to little ones and their stories, and helping them with their needs. They understand early on that what they have to say is very important. But when it is time to be quiet, it is time to be quiet. Here are some examples:

Quiet time: This is the time when children are trying to sleep or rest. Downtime is important for clean-up and to ensure that the children do not get overstimulated.

Story time: We have a poem we recite just before stories: “Thinking caps, listening ears, button our lips, throw it away, hands together on our laps, crisscross applesauce, eyes on the story, gum on your bum stick it down.”

Learning or Concentration time: This is mostly so that instructions are not missed, and work is done in a timely manner (for ages 3.5-6).

In addition, the parents and I sometimes talk at great length about their children at the end of the day. The children are also excited to see their parents, so normally I will give them some grace, stand back, give them time, but then it’s my turn. Once it’s my time, they are not allowed to interrupt, but show patience and wait.

Not always is this achievable. The children are taught very early that an emergency is always a priority. That means even if I don’t feel it’s an emergency and they do, it will still be addressed. How do I teach them this so they don’t get accused of interrupting? Easy. All they have to do is put their hand on my arm. That simple act is a signal that they cannot wait. Occasionally, we have to readdress what is considered an emergency, but not often. It is crucial that we show the children the same respect we want. Never interrupt them unless it is an emergency or dealing with a time constraint. Always show interest in what they have to say in the hope that they will emulate the behavior, making interruptions limited.

It’s not a free for all

Safe play in a clean environment creates harmony.

Boundaries are important. A parent has questioned why children are not allowed to have whatever they want, whenever they want. This practice is not to squelch their freedom but to teach responsibility. Toys and crafts that need to be asked for set a precedent of respect, cleanliness, and order. If you use it, you are responsible for cleaning it up. Messy spaces create anxiety for all children and myself. Additionally, it is easier to find things the next time if everything is put away.

We have always helped the children with cleaning up, setting a good example of cooperation. However, if clean up participation stalls, we no longer help, but encourage individual responsibility. “I did not play with it, and I am helping you clean up. If you stop cleaning, so will I. Once this is cleaned up, new toys can come out.” Not every child is a willing participant, and occasionally a learning curve must occur, setting an example for their peers. Some children have found themselves cleaning alone, and we acknowledge their efforts with praise and sometimes a treat. Children who do not help at all find out how limited their access to toys becomes, trying to encourage individual neatness. Less access to toys, less mess.

We showed the children how different our environment is when nothing gets cleaned up. At first, they enjoyed having access to all of the toys, with bins dumped and toys off all the shelves, resulting in chaos. Then, broken toys, accidents, and tears ensued. It did not take long before they understood the necessity of orderliness.

We are not militant about cleaning after each activity, but definitely before the mess becomes overwhelming. In addition to a harmonized playroom, each time a different set of toys comes out for play, especially some that have been out of sight, aids in interest and excitement. Children will look for praise, and they should receive it. The more positive clean up is, the easier it is to implement. We make games out of clean up, sing songs, and even have races! I always tell parents to trust me; there is generally a method to my madness 🙂 Slowly but surely, the efforts at daycare manifest themselves in their own homes 🙂

Cleaning up after playtime can be a challenging task, but it’s an essential part of teaching children responsibility and respect for their environment. That’s why we’re excited to recommend these amazing children’s cleaning toys, which are not only fun but also help encourage kids to take an active role in cleaning up after themselves.

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