Author: Daycare Lady

One of the best lessons I ever learned, and share daily with parents, is to validate emotions like sadness and anger. Talk about how they are feeling, deep breathing, a hug, simple gestures. When a child is acknowledged by an adult, they feel seeable, hearable, and understandable. They learn better how to use their words to express themselves.

Depending on the situation, there are numerous ways to help children understand their emotions and how to express themselves in a more productive way.

In this blog I would like to focus on anger.

Anger in a child is a very deep, raw feeling. Anger is not easily understood by young minds, hence they can react poorly. Some children will cry uncontrollably, some will lash out physically harming themselves and/or others. No matter how a child acknowledges this emotion, self control needs to be imposed. Don’t get me wrong, I understand anger, but a child’s anger can be masking a different emotion, or need. Teaching communication, and self regulation, is critical when children are young.

Deep breathing, punching a pillow, coloring or drawing a picture, crying, whatever helps them release the emotion and calms their mind. Then help them try to find words to express why they are angry. Personally, when I have felt overwhelmed with the daycare, I set an example. Calling attention to how I am feeling, what caused my anger/frustration, and showing them how I help myself become calm. Many times they will join me in deep breathing, emulating the behavior I want from them :).

Children can have “Bad” days too, honestly not knowing why they feel grumpy. They just do, and that’s okay. Create a safe space for them to just be, feel, and breath. Words of affirmation, for example, ” I know you are grumpy, I feel grumpy sometimes too. Is there something I can do to help you?”, or “When we are not feeling gentle, and need to get our rough out, would you like to play with playdough?” Acknowledge, and help if wanted. Understand sometimes children don’t know why they feel angry. As a result change will happen, teaching behavior modification through action, mindfulness, and affirmation, which teaches self regulation.

As a parent try to find triggers, stay calm, praise positive behavior, and try to remain consistent. Set rules, set consequences, and don’t give in. Remember if anger is in the form of a temper tantrum over wanting something you’re not willing to give, and you give in, your teaching them that that behavior works. It’s all a balancing act.

“Are you making good choices?” A sentence that has been ringing in the ears of my daycare for years. Before any form of discipline is given in the daycare or even with my own children I always ask that question.

It is important to establish that children fully understand what they are doing in an unfavorable situation. Given the chance to rectify the issue, it also gives them an opportunity to see what their words or actions are doing in their environment, and how it is affecting their peers. The step back aids in getting them to assess their actions, show remorse, and stops the behavior before it becomes a repeated concern. It’s important to reinforce that “good choices” help in heading in a positive direction through praise and recognition, whereas “bad choices” will end up with negative consequences, and possibly further disciplinary action.

Everyone has their own idea of appropriate discipline. Daycares are very restricted, so we get creative. Working with Parents, creates harmony and solidifies boundaries. Daycare staff have to be approachable, to achieve parental confidence. When both environments combine, it creates a beautiful, clear, and concise climate for the children.

I am a firm believer that negative behavior merits negative consequences, and to always acknowledge positive behavior with praise and appreciation. Children like attention, and will seek attention whether it be unfavorable or affirmative, especially if they feel “unseen”. Teaching and promoting “Mindfulness” definitely alleviates unfavorable behavior.

It is vital to discuss inclusion as a desirable behavior to “making good choices”. Bullying is not a good choice, so it should be addressed. You don’t have to like everyone all the time, but never make a person feel bad or attacked. Little people have big emotions, learning how to regulate them is a worth while endeavor. The daycare promotes “using our words”, or having “alone time” at the table. It helps diffuse situations. Some children prefer seclusion, a safe place to let their emotions out in different ways, being given a better choice rather then hurting, or demeaning, another person.

“Be the person you needed as a child”, a sentence that always resonated with me. We must be role models for making good choices. Remember little eyes are always watching.

When cooking something nutritious, it can be hard to get a child to eat it.

Nutrition is important. Some, if not all, children insist on having the “same” stuff, eating or drinking only preferred foods and beverages. If allowed, this reduces their opportunities to taste new foods, creating difficulty in expanding the variety of what they eat.

It has always been a practice in my daycare to slowly introduce new foods in small age appropriate portions. I call it the ” three scoop/bite rule”. The first bite/scoop is always the hardest, as no taste is really established within the first scoop. The second bite gets the taste and texture, hopefully growing tolerance. The third bite is the deciding factor on “like” or “dislike”. If this is a new food, there is usually only three scoops put on the plate so it is not overwhelming. This makes finishing it all a reward on its own as well.

Now of course that is not “fool proof” but constant exposure does help build tolerance, and eventually acceptance. The younger the child is started with this, the more accepting of this habit they become, producing more of a drive to try more and different foods. Portion sizes for each child are always age appropriate, and there will always be foods that are just not going to be liked. Regardless, they are still served (especially healthy items, hence the title “You don’t have to like it…….”)

Condiments and desserts are wonderful as an aid in trying new things. Neither has to be used, but both can be worthwhile tools, incentives (and we all like incentives). Incentives in our day to day as adults like going to work to get paid, or paying your rent/mortgage to have a place to live, or even nutritious eating to have a healthier immune system and reduce your risk of serious illnesses.

Children don’t always see the incentive of the long term benefits of eating well, but if there is a treat or dessert at the end of eating something less than desirable they are more inclined to try it. For condiments, ketchup has been known to help many things go down easier, and if it works, use it. My daycare children love dipping vegetables into ranch dressing. Honestly I am far from concerned as to how they eat it, as long as they eat it. Constant exposure produces tolerance.

There are always way to hide vegetables in what they eat as well. We have added pureed butternut squash to a cheese sauce for macaroni, cauliflower to rice or mashed into potatoes, and so on. There are even cook books out there that have these options as well. Having these resources on hand makes meal planning a bit easier.

At the end of the day the important thing is keeping our children healthy, active, and happy. There will be certain foods that are just not going to happen on their own, so be creative, but know when to draw the line.

I come from a modest family, so I am an example of having to eat what you are given. But to this day I will not eat a raw tomato, liver ( any organ for that matter 🙂 ), or muscles/oysters. Never loose hope, just get creative and praise your child if dessert is not an option for your family. Find a way to have your child gain confidence in eating new, different, less than desirable foods through helping with meal preparations, or a behaviour chart to earn privileges etc. My children liked going to the grocery store with me to pick out different food choices. I encouraged something they liked and something to try.

On a side note, there are even ways to slip vegetables into desserts :). Ironically, given time, most of my daycare children have learned to enjoy foods previously not liked.